go tell that fox.

2010-07-21T18:13:00.001-07:00

He is our home.

2010-05-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

The real problem of evil is not simply that evil and suffering exists, but rather its ability to separate suffering human beings from the only true source of healing and hope: knowledge of the love of God and a sense of providential meaning and hope. Evil is that which destroys hope in and love for God. Events within the world that bring about suffering are not inherently evil; they can, however, become evil if they are given the power to separate the sufferer from the hope and meaning that emerges from faith and a providential understanding of and relationship with God. - John Swinton from Raging with Compassion

shake the dust

2010-05-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

2010-04-01T13:29:00.001-07:00

I love when Churches do Art well.

comfort

2010-03-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday something happened that two years ago would have been the worst possible thing to happen. Today it seems like a distant dream of sorts. Yesterday, a girl I would have given anything to be with got married. It is a funny thing because it is truly the death of a particular dream. No going back.

I’m always thinking about my future self and future situation, I wonder who I will be and what I will be doing. Sometimes I think about my past self and wonder what that self would think about current self. (You tracking?) If my past self would have known what was going to happen yesterday it would have been slightly devastating for him but today its just slightly annoying. Mostly annoying because I’m still single. You can only find so much fulfillment in school, friends, and bikes. Today I am asking my self if I am okay with current self. The truth is that I really am. Sure I wish I had a wife, a fulltime job, a dog, and a sailboat but I know I am where I am supposed to be. In a world where it seems nothing is the way it’s supposed to be, it’s actually quite amazing to know you are in the right place in life. However, it doesn’t mean it is easy to be where you are supposed to be.

Today, I’m in Knoxville, TN for the week visiting my parents over spring break. Its good to be back in Tennessee. I’m sitting in a little coffee shop I like in downtown (coffee and chocolate) listening to Deb Talan (of the weepies) while it snows. It’s good for me soul. A week of Sabbath and rest. She has a song Comfort and it has been one of those songs in my life that restores my sanity and heart when they are faltering. Today my heart is weak and I could listen to this song over and over all day long. There are certain songs in life that connect to you and wont let go. Today those songs are inside of me.

The video is lame but it was the only way to get the song on here that I knew of.

2010-03-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

Great song. One of the best videos I have seen in a long while!

2010-03-08T19:44:00.000-08:00

I really love this song. But more importantly he is shaving while holding a kitten. Why?

2010-03-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

I know that this is not okay. This is not what God intended for his creation. Dominion never meant this.

2010-02-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

2010-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

"The heart wants what it wants." -Woody Allen

But why doesn't the heart want God, trust God, look childlike to God for life's joys and securities? Why doesn't the heart seek final good where it can actually be found? Why turn again and again, in small maters and large, to satisfactions that are mutable, damaging, and imperiled? - Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

Fact.

2010-02-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

There is always a cat within five feet of you. Watching you sleep and doing what you do.

isaac and the ghost

2010-02-10T17:34:00.000-08:00

I am in a new band called Isaac and the ghost. We played our first show last week at a Haiti benefit concert and it went really well. We are recording an ep but go and hear a new song, your walk of shame that Isaac wrote and recorded yesterday. www.myspace.com/isaacnathanael

2009-12-31T02:01:00.000-08:00

2009-12-31T01:10:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. It seems silence does not become this blog and for that I am sorry. As I type this, my computer doesn’t believe that blog is a word and is desperately trying to make me understand with a squiggly red line.

Agree to disagree.

I do have such high hopes for this blog because of all the wonderful things that pass between my ears during the day that need to be heard by the masses or at least the few of you who read this (or used to). Seriously though, at least a few times a day I will think of something and then think to myself that I need to write about this but then I get home and either forgotten my striking insights or just don’t care and here my blog sits silently or if your lucky I’ll post some hip video, a video that I most likely didn’t even find by myself. So this year I would very much like to keep this blog going and keep it filled with some real stuff. 2010 at least a blog a week sounds fare, don’t you think?

Well, I do.

I flew into Los Angeles last night after a few weeks in Knoxville at my parent’s home for Christmas. It was good to be home. Usually when I first get home I am struck with mass thankfulness that I live on my own and I have an immediate desire to return to my independence but it doesn’t take long to slip into the comfort of being home. I know I am always sad to leave.

While I am sad to leave I am always ready to run into the next ____. I don’t really know what’s next. I mean the rest of my year is practically laid out in front of me so I do sort of know what is coming my way but I am more interested in the next____. Like I said I don’t know what it is.

I never really know what to think of New Year. Leading up to 2003 when I was 17 a man named Dave who was always trying to get to join the NRA, of whom I learned later was never without a loaded gun in his boot, prayed for me at a new years church service. He told me or prophesied over me and said that God told him that the upcoming year was going to be one of the greatest of my life. I guess on first hearing this most people would be pleased and excited. I on the other hand immediately worried about all the other years that weren’t going to be so good. 2003 really was a great year. Maybe God really did speak to him and then again maybe not. I am just glad he never shot anybody.

happy new year friends. may it be one of the best years of your life.

2009-12-05T02:23:00.001-08:00

Something is wrong and there is more than this.

2009-11-02T16:50:00.000-08:00

No book has been such a pleasant surprise to me as Stanley Hauerwas' and William H. Willimon's Resident Aliens. I was not excited or interested in reading it all but as soon as I found my way into the first chapter I knew that I was in for a serious ride. This is a book simply for people who know something is wrong in our world and it is a wake up call for those who have ignored the problems. I get to see Hauerwas tonight at APU.

"A Church that had ceased to ask the right questions as it went about congratulating itself for transforming the world, not noticing that in fact the world had tamed the church... we would like a church that again asserts that God, not nations, rules the world, that the boundaries of God's kingdom transcends those of Caesar, and that the main political task of the church is the formation of people who see clearly the cost of discipleship and are willing to pay the price."

a message heard by few.

2009-10-21T23:03:00.000-07:00

With God on Our Side - Bob Dylan

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It came and it went
The reason for fighting
I never did get
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.
With God on Our side - Bob Dylan

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
And if God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.

Watch the video here@ http://gotellthatfox.tumblr.com/
(I got a tumblr so I wouldn't feel bad about posting so many videos on this my main blog. Maybe it will make me write more.)

so funny...

2009-10-15T22:14:00.001-07:00

I'll let this speak for itself

2009-10-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
Psalm 42:7 (NIV)

Adoption

2009-10-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 1:3-10 (ESV)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,according to the purpose of his will,to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

How Glorious

space.

2009-10-11T00:44:00.000-07:00

I really want to write something amazing for you to read but really I have nothing amazing to say at the moment, which seems to be the norm. Sorry. I have stories to tell I am sure but when I make my way to write them down they float away and leave me with nothing but a mediocre youtube video to post. My mind is full these days. Mostly due to the Greek intensive that I am taking. I am squeezing a years worth of Koine Greek into a 10 week quarter. I am learning though.

I am sitting listening to a Christmas band called The choir at your door. It is doing things to my insides, as good music combined with good weather and a lonely heart often does. Good music for me always intensifies the longings in my life. I remember friends that I have not been able to see in a long time. and how much i miss them. i would love to sit with them so very badly. I remember family and how our time here is so limited and that I am so far away. It is hard to be away from those you love the most. I think of the things to come. excited. scared. All the feelings of life.

Its a gift to feel. it really is. even when it hurts. I spend most of my time trying to feel and not be so numb to the blessings and gifts that have so graciously flooded my life. I want to feel it all. To simply experience the moments of now. Looking ahead is good but if it is our only focus we miss out on so much. I am pretty good at that. I am always wanting the next step and not embracing the current. Its a flaw. I'm working on it.

my mind/experiences this week:
love
and how its so hard
cross country bike rides
Cornel West
custom drum kits
cute girl
(trying to make this low on my list of priorities... not working)
idolatry
Pasadena Acts 29 church plant
third declensions
those on the underside of power
and my apathy
hell and how I hate it
my church interview this week
john piper and eschatology
doughnuts
backstage at David Crowder/Francis Chan
building a fixed gear
Jones coffee roasters
starting a band
peace
my apathy
sailing

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

dork disco

2009-09-30T23:11:00.001-07:00

the fox

2009-09-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

I love the creature called the fox. I have desperately wanted one ever since I saw the movie Grizzly Man. A documentary about Timothy Treadwell, a man who lived and became friends with bears and foxes in the Alaskan wilderness. There is a family of Foxes that live on my parent mountain however I was unable to befriend them due to fear of rabies. One day I will have a domesticated fox. Anyway all this said because I love the new Brand New Album cover.

Use Somebody

2009-09-29T20:29:00.000-07:00

ζωή

2009-09-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

I got the chance to go see Donnald Miller speak last night in Hollywood at Ecclesia. It was good. I needed to be reminded of humanity. Miller helps me remember why. I love to listen to stories. He tells them so well. His stories remind me of how broken humanity is while at the same time how simply beautiful it is. It is encouraging to watch someone move from great doubt to a great trust in the soverienty of God even in the midst of conflict. All stories have conflict. It just depends what we decide to do with it.

He ended with a reading out of Victor Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning
Reminded me of a quote I love
“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.”

Courage

2009-06-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

No one like to talk about this part of his message.

"And don't let anybody make you think that God chose America as his divine messianic force to be a sort of police man of the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with justice and it seems I can hear God saying to America "you are too arrogant, and if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power, and I will place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name. Be still and know that I'm God. Men will beat their swords into plowshafts and their spears into pruning hooks, and nations shall not rise up against nations, neither shall they study war anymore."

-King, Martin Luther. "Where do we go from here?" Speech, The Southern Christian Leadership Conference, Georgia, Atlanta, August 16, 1967:

Do not judge the cover

2009-06-12T01:28:00.000-07:00

I literally just finished my last paper for the spring quarter at Fuller Seminary. I am pleased. I have been think over all the stuff that I have learned in the past three months. It is actually pretty staggering. While you are in school you never really feel like you are learning but when you stop and think about it you realize that your tuition dollars are not being wasted. Mom will be pleased.

One of the best things that happened to me this quarter was being forced to read a book I didn't want to read. They say that you can’t judge a book by its cover but I take a completely different approach to the matter. Two things that I enjoy most in life are books and art and those two things come together for me on the book cover. For me the title and cover tell me whether or not I should read the book. My immediate assumption of Resident Aliens was that it was another cookie cutter Christian book but as soon as I opened it I knew that I was completely mistaken. It is written by two professors from Duke University, Stanley Hauerwas and William H. Willimon. I got the chance to see Willimon speak this quarter at a conference on preaching and it was great. The books sub-title is 'A provocative Christian assessment of culture and ministry for people who know that something is wrong". It is one of the best Christian books I have ever read. It was one of those reads where I was constantly highlighting and desperate to talk to someone about it. The whole time I read it I was reminded of Lee C. Camps 'Mere Discipleship'. It turns out that they are friends. Well anyway on to the content.

They make an amazing connection here:

"On August 6,1945, the first atomic bomb was dropped on a Japanese city. Turning to a group of sailors with him on the battle cruiser Augusta, President Truman said, "This is the greatest thing in history." Truman, once described as "an outstanding Baptist layman," was supported by the majority of American Christians, who expressed few misgivings about the bomb. The bomb, however, was the sign of our moral incapacitation, an open admission that we had lost the will and resources to resist vast evil... Obliteration bombing of civilian populations had come to be seen as military necessity. A terrible evil had been defended as a way to a greater good. After the bomb, all sorts of moral compromises were easier - nearly two million abortions a year seemed a mere matter of freedom of choice, and the plight of the poor in the world's richest nation was a matter of economic necessity."

This is huge!- "We had lost the theological resources to resist, lost the resources even to see that there was something worth resisting."

Some other good quotes:

"In short, there is nothing wrong with America that a good war cannot cure."

"We Christians have given atheists less and less in which to disbelieve! A flaccid church has robbed atheism of its earlier pretensions of adventure."

"A church that had ceased to ask the right questions as it went about congratulating itself for transforming the world, not noticing, that in fact the world had tamed the church."

"Dying for this state, as Alasdair MacIntyre has said, is "like being asked to die for the telephone company."

I end with this:

"The theologians job is not to make the gospel credible to the modern world,but to make the world credible to the gospel."

Enjoy and goodnight!

Still one of my all time favorite bands.

2009-05-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Dave Emmert

2009-05-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

So my friend Dave Emmert is in a band called Mr.Lendingworth and Friends and they just finished their new album. I love this guy. GO LISTEN. I am really proud of him.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.

Ecclesia. Sign me up.

2009-05-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I’m not so sure why I want to be a pastor. I mean lets just break it down: bad pay, long hours, high stress, and I have to deal with weird church people. So why do I want to spend my life this way?

Every once and a while, they are becoming more frequent, I have these moments of clarity. These moments of clarity allow me to see exactly why I want to be a pastor, why I want to be a part of the Church. Today at church I had one of those moments. Today was my church’s fourth anniversary of being planted and we had a baptism service. They gave each of the candidates a chance to address the congregation and give a few words of why they were being baptized. One of ladies who was being baptized said that she had been a Christian for over a decade now and was instrumental in planting Ecclesia and had been heavily involved in starting ministries. For a long time she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t willing to be baptized. Then she said she really did know but it was hard to say out loud. She went on to tell us that she was afraid that she would leave, leave the faith and the Church. She said that it had been easy for most of her time as a Christian but she was worried that when times got hard that she would just give up. She continued to tell us how this past year had been the hardest year of her life, the loss of her parents, the long fight against sickness and death of her husband, and now being a single parent. The reason that she didn’t leave she said was because of the church. At this point the pastors on stage and anybody who knew the woman and her story were crying and fighting back tears. She said the reason she didn’t leave was because of the people in the church who paid her bills when her husband was sick, the people who constantly stayed with her in the hospital overnight, and the love and support that the community gave. She said she hadn’t walked away and it was time to go public with her faith because she knew she was never walking away. The pastor chocked out through tears you were dead in sin and dunked her into the water and when she came up he said you are now alive in Christ. In that moment I knew that this church, this community and others like it around the world was what I wanted to spend my life for.

Intelligentsia

2009-05-14T18:08:00.000-07:00

So not to belabor the point about Portland being better than Los Angeles but when I moved out here I was really disappointed. Portland has an amazing coffee culture and it was hard to leave. There are some descent coffee shops around me but nothing really that good. No one knew how to make a pretty cappuccino. You would think that LA, being the hipster/yuppie capital of the world, would have serious coffee drinkers. Up until last week I didn’t think so. My friend Drew (not a coffee drinker but works at Starbucks) asked me, “have you ever been to Intelligentsia Coffee?” I hadn’t but I wasn’t really expecting too much but he said he had heard good things! Since I don’t have much of a life, checking out Intelligentsia was immediately on the top of my important things to do list. So I went and I discovered serious coffee! Their baristas have to go to school for a few months to brew their coffee. Ever cup is freshly ground and brewed. Not to mention one of their baristas just won third place in the world barista competition! Needless to say I was pleased with what I found. I sat down and had a seriously good cappuccino.

Intelligentsia Coffee and Tea here.

Owen

2009-05-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

Owen takes me there. I am not sure where "there" is but we go there. sad news its usually alone. working on it.

I love this video. Relax. Breath deep. Watch.

Port-land.

2009-05-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Thought about Portland a lot today. Someone was asking me what I thought about the city, my friend Chad is coming to visit LA from Portland, and the New York times did a story on Sunday on how affordable/perfect Portland is. So of course it was time to think about all the ways Portland is better than Los Angeles. That's how I do things... grass is always greener.

Here for the full article.

Espresso Book Machine

2009-05-11T22:24:00.000-07:00

"What Gutenberg’s press did for Europe in the 15th century digitization and the Espresso Book Machine will do for the world tomorrow."

The Espresso Book Machine is the newest technology in printing, it prints, collates, covers, and binds a single book in a few minutes on demand. The sad reality of out of print books is a thing of the past. These machines are small enough to fit into a retail shop or library (or my bed room - Christmas wish 2012) and can potentially change the way people buy books forever. The customer can choose from a web based catalog of books or bring in their own file or flash drive in PDF format.

I am just thinking about the possibilities and implications of this machine. self publishing. Seriously amazing.

On demand books here.

Its Suburbs Without the Car

2009-05-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

I read an article in the New York times today that has been plaguing my imagination all day.

In Vauban, Germany they are creating communities without cars. If a resident owns a car they have to park at the edge of the community in super expensive parking lots ($40,000 per space). 70% of Vauban residents do not own automobile.

This is my dream world… except that its in Germany. Not that I don’t like Germany, I just don’t speak German/ I think it’s really cold.

To read the full article: click here

Saturday nights in Seminary...

2009-05-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

So I am writing a Paper on synod of Dort for my systematic theology class. It's a 15 page paper and I'm on page 6 and it is due Monday at 1pm. So needless to say I am on a time crunch. Mid-term week is really crazy and you honestly don't have very much time to get done everything that has to be done. It is really frustrating because I am in the place where I am not satisfied with average work but when time is short you do the best you can. The gift of studying theology is that when I am sitting in a coffee shop on a Saturday night feeling quite desperate, God can really speak and move through what I am reading and researching. My paper's tentative title is, I grew up an Armenian and didn’t know it: Discovering Biblical truth within Calvinism. So I am having a good time even though it is pretty heavy material. I am currently writing on the fist article of the Synod which is Predestination and Unconditional election. One thing I am realizing is that the Bible is filled with really hard truths and they are often not easy to swallow. What has been amazing is God gently guiding me into a fruitful theology. I have struggled and had doubts but I am thankful for the men that have come before and labered and worked to help me have a greater understanding of God and His word.Bastian Kruithof tells a story in The High Points of Calvinism a story that really encouraged my soul:

"Some day ago I talked to a man who can be considered a refugee from Hungary where Russian totalitarianism is grinding the people down. One of the first words he spoke to me was: "Predestination." He told me of the several million Hungarian Calvinists who are by no means defeated. He said to me that whenever a brother appears on the verge of despair, the invariable retort is: "are you a man?" That sentence has tremendous significance when it comes from those who are not stoics but Christians who know that God is with them, and that they are in God's unshakable plan and under his lasting grace. I was interested to read this sentence in Hasting's Encyclepedia of Religion and Ethics: "The Calvinistic 'fate' is the incentive to heroic effort, a challenge to play the man."

Samual 10:9-12
When Joab saw that the battle was set against him both in front and in the rear, he chose some of the best men of Israel and arrayed them against the Syrians. The rest of his men he put in the charge of Abishai his brother, and he arrayed them against the Ammonites. And he said, “If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me, but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will come and help you. Be of good courage, and blet us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to him.”

Encouragement for my spirit.

2009-05-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

A great way to view differences within the Church:

Theological National Boundaries

Indeed, there are theological national borders that need to be retained, such as Scripture as God’s Word; God as Trinitarian community; humanity as sinful; Jesus as God and man; the virgin birth, sinless life, substitutionary death, and bodily resurrection of Jesus; and the necessity of Jesus alone for salvation from sin, hell, and the wrath of God.

State Boundaries

Beyond these sorts of national borders are state borders. State borders include spiritual gifts, baptism, communion, worship styles, Bible translations, sense of humor, and the like. Various states can have their own proverbial borders on these issues. Nonetheless, like states we must be able to live as a loving and unified nation. We cannot turn our state borders into national borders and refuse to live at peace in unity and love with those who live in other proverbial states. Simply, the state borders should not be battle lines where personal and theological wars are fought because bigger things are at stake, such as the evangelizing of lost people and the planting of missional churches.

My prayer today is this

“Thank you Sovereign God for an opportunity to influence the nations for good. May you please give us your Spirit to keep our minds learning, hearts loving, ears listening, hands serving, and humility growing for your glory and our joy. We ask this for your fame by the Spirit’s power in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

-Mark Driscoll @http://theresurgence.com/time_magazine_new_reformed

New Music refreshing my ears...

2009-04-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

1) Manchester Orchestra - Mean everything to nothing
2) As Cities Burn - Hell or High water
3) TV on the radio - Return to cookie mountain / Dear Science
4) M. Ward - Hold Time
5) The Devil Wears Prada - With roots above and branches below
6) Niel Yong - Fork in the road
7) Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
8) Leona Naess - Thirteens
9) Kari Jobe - I'm singing
10) Gavin Degraw -Free
11) The Decemberists - The hazard of Love
12) Jon Foreman - Winter ep
13) Andrew Bird - Noble Beast
14) Animal Collective - Merriweather post pavilion
15) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!

More from the great emergence

2009-04-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

"The new Christianity of the great emergence must discover some authority base or delivery system and/or governing agency of its own. It must formulate – and soon – something other than Luther’s sola scriptura which, although used so well by the Great Reformation originally, is now seen as hopelessly outmoded or insufficient, even after it is, as here, spurred up and re-couched in more current sensibilities.”

My Response:

"The Bible will stand. No critic will." -John Piper

the great emergence

2009-04-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

I am reading Phyllis Tickle's 'the great emergence' and I don't like it. I think she is confusing and writes in circles. She spends half of her book "considering... a few of the major cultural shifts in the twentieth century that have determined the religious and ecclesial perspectives out of which emergents are working" leaving the reader grasping for an understanding or working definition of what the Great Emergence actually is. There is no doubt an emergence is happening but she does no more than to point to 500 year hinge periods that she defines as rummage sales. She seems quite content to leave the reader lost with a bucket of knowledge filled with interconnected historical events.

"The reformation's understanding of scripture as it had been taught by Protestantism for almost five centuries will be dead. That is not to say that Scripture as the base of authority is dead. What the protestant tradition has taught about the nature of the authority will be either dead or in mortal need of reconfiguration. And that kind of summation is agonizing for the surrounding culture in general. In particular, it is agonizing for the individual lives that have been built upon it." Pg. 101

I think there may be some truth in this statement but not in the way she intends it.

The ever true hymn from Edward Mote:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

wolfgang amedeus phoenix

2009-04-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks Chris! This is my album of summer 2009.

The Sound. are you apart of it?

2009-03-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Sleeping Giant & The Glorious Unseen Veil Arms Tour Highlights

Two different sounds same goal.

he go above of my head to live with your father

2009-03-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

Nothing seems to make me laugh quite as hard as cat videos on youtube and David Sedaris! I was in my bedroom the other night and I was reading this story out of Me Talk Pretty One Day and I started laughing so hard I was crying! Sedaris writes about living with his boyfriend in France and this particular story is from a French class that he attended in Paris. The students have to try to explain Easter to a Muslim student in French! So in honor of Lent and the preparation for Easter enjoy!

"And what does one do on Easter? Would anyone like to tell us?"

The Italian nanny was attempting to answer the question when the Moroccan student interrupted, shouting, "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"

Despite her having grown up in a Muslim country, it seemed she might have heard it mentioned once or twice, but no. "I mean it," she said. "I have no idea what you people are talking about."

The teacher then called upon the rest of us to explain.

The Poles led the charge to the best of their ability. "It is," said one, "a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and . . . oh, shit."

She faltered, and her fellow countryman came to her aid.

"He call his self Jesus, and then he be die one day on two . . . morsels of . . . lumber."

The rest of the class jumped in, offering bits of information that would have given the pope an aneurysm.

"He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father."

"He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."

"He nice, the Jesus."

"He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today."

Part of the problem had to do with grammar. Simple nouns such as cross and resurrection were beyond our grasp, let alone such complicated reflexive phrases as "To give of yourself your only begotten son." Faced with the challenge of explaining the cornerstone of Christianity, we did what any self-respecting group of people might do. We talked about food instead.

"Easter is a party for to eat of the lamb," the Italian nanny explained. "One, too, may eat of the chocolate."

"And who brings the chocolate?" the teacher asked.

I knew the word, and so I raised my hand, saying, "The Rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."

My classmates reacted as though I'd attributed the delivery to the Antichrist. They were mortified.

"A rabbit?" The teacher, assuming I'd used the wrong word, positioned her index fingers on top of her head, wiggling them as though they were ears. "You mean one of these? A rabbit rabbit?"

"Well, sure," I said. "He come in the night when one sleep on a bed. With a hand he have the basket and foods."

The teacher sadly shook her head, as if this explained everything that was wrong with my country. "No, no," she said. "Here in France the chocolate is brought by the big bell that flies in from Rome."

I called for a time-out. "But how do the bell know where you live?"

"Well," she said, "how does a rabbit?"

It was a decent point, but at least a rabbit has eyes. That's a start. Rabbits move from place to place, while most bells can only go back and forth--and they can't even do that on their own power. On top of that, the Easter Bunny has character; he's someone you'd like to meet and shake hands with. A bell has all the personality of a cast-iron skillet. It's like saying that come Christmas, a magic dustpan flies in from the North Pole, led by eight flying cinder blocks. Who wants to stay up all night so they can see a bell? And why fly one in from Rome when they've got more bells than they know what to do with right here in Paris? That's the most implausible aspect of the whole story, as there's no way the bells of France would allow a foreign worker to fly in and take their jobs. That Roman bell would be lucky to get work cleaning up after a French bell's dog--and even then he'd need papers. It just didn't add up.

Nothing we said was of any help to the Moroccan student. A dead man with long hair supposedly living with her father, a leg of lamb served with palm fronds and chocolate. Confused and disgusted, she shrugged her massive shoulders and turned her attention back to the comic book she kept hidden beneath her binder. I wondered then if, without the language barrier, my classmates and I could have done a better job making sense of Christianity, an idea that sounds pretty far-fetched to begin with.

In communicating any religious belief, the operative word is faith, a concept illustrated by our very presence in that classroom. Why bother struggling with the grammar lessons of a six-year-old if each of us didn't believe that, against all reason, we might eventually improve? If I could hope to one day carry on a fluent conversation, it was a relatively short leap to believing that a rabbit might visit my home in the middle of the night, leaving behind a handful of chocolate kisses and a carton of menthol cigarettes. So why stop there? If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepted the idea that an omniscient God had cast me in his own image and that he watched over me and guided me from one place to the next. The virgin birth, the resurrection, and the countless miracles--my heart expanded to encompass all the wonders and possibilities of the universe.

A bell, though, that's f#@*%! up.

Engaging and disagreeing with people smarter than me.

2009-02-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

So I am going to a lecture by N.T. Wright tonight and needless to say I am very excited. He is currently at my Seminary teaching some doctoral classes. N.T. Wright is the Bishop of Durham in the Church of England and he is one of the foremost New Testament Scholars. He’s a huge voice in Church at large and a positive one most of the time. His current most popular book is Surprised by Hope where he has a lot of engaging and helpful insights into the reality of Heaven and Hell. Increasingly I am growing more cautious and critical of what I accept and believe. (A positive thing I think) What I mean to say is, that a few years ago if I were to pick up a Christian book I would have most likely assumed that what was written was truth and thus biblically sound. Maybe this was just ignorance or the lacking of knowledge or skill to dissent with, what I consider in some cases, superior minds. I am not saying I would have swallowed any normal Jacks writings but those of legitimate scholarly and pastoral writers.

I guess it hit me last year when I was in Cambridge and I was rereading Mere Christianity for a course on Lewis. A little background, I have loved C.S. Lewis from before I could read! Once I rediscovered his writings in high school I realized he wrote more than stories about Lions and mice. I pretty much spent two years of high school reading Lewis’ apologetic and theological works. The thought had honestly never occurred to me that I could disagree with what he was writing. The last year while reading Mere Christianity (a beautiful book – that came out of a serious of broadcasts from WWII) I realized that I didn’t agree with a lot of what Lewis was writing. I guess had two great shocks that day while sitting in a coffee shop. The first was that it was ok for me to disagree with somebody, no matter how much I respected them. The second shock was that I was capable of dissenting on a scholarly level. It was scary and encouraging to realize that I was capable to be and have my own mind. I guess that is when I started taking my potential as a student and teacher (in a broad sense).

Anyway I say all this because I am really excited about going to see N.T. Wright tonight. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him; I mean I have been using some of his books for recourses for my earliest writings in undergrad. It’s really refreshing to use resources of people who aren’t dead sometimes. The point of this entry is to state that I know I may not agree with everything Wright says tonight but I thank God that he has granted me the ability to go tonight and have an open mind and take in what he says and weigh it against the knowledge that has been granted to me from above (not in a Gnostic sense but a Holy Spirit/Biblical sense).

John Piper, as the three people who read this blog know, is somewhat my pastoral hero! Not many people have the chops/bravery to write like he does, let alone to write a book disagreeing with someone as notable as N.T. Wright. Piper wrote a book called, The future of Justification: a response to N.T. Wright. Piper mostly takes issue with Wright’s stance on Justification. In an interview Piper responded with this:

"N.T. Wright says things like we will be justified in the last day on the basis of the whole life lived. Now he may not mean what that sounds like it means. But it sounds like it means, and will be taken to mean, what Roman Catholicism really says it means, namely that justification is our becoming righteous ourselves, so that our acts of obedience are part of the ground by which God accepts us.

What I want to say is that at the moment when we put our childlike faith in Jesus Christ, he became our punishment and our obedience. That is, at that moment he became the obedience required for God to be totally for us.
Therefore, the very thing that N.T. Wright and others are wanting to accomplish, namely an engaged, bold, loving, sacrificial, mission-oriented church will cease to be that, just like the mainline churches have ceased to be dynamic forces in the world, because they threw away the essence of certain crucial doctrines. You don’t see it now, because N.T. Wright himself is such a good embodiment of engagement, but I’m saying that some of the things he says have the trajectory that if they’re followed out, are going to in fact undermine the very thing he wants to accomplish, namely, a sacrificially loving church.

So that’s what’s at stake. It’s a huge issue for me, and I hope the book will have some influence on him to get him to say some things better and more clearly. And I hope it will have influence on those who are reading him, so that they are not as inclined to follow his way of thinking about justification as they might have been."

I am excited about tonight!

rough draft of my intro and thesis for NT1

2009-02-25T17:28:00.000-08:00

THE IMPOSSIBILITY FOR MAN, THE POSSIBILITY FOR GOD: THE SALVATION OF A RICH MAN: LUKE 19:1-10

1He entered Jericho and was passing through it. 2A man was there named Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was rich. 3He was trying to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was short in stature. 4So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see him, because he was going to pass that way. 5When Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, hurry and come down; for I must stay at your house today."6So he hurried down and was happy to welcome him.7All who saw it began to grumble and said, "He has gone to be the guest of one who is a sinner." 8Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, "Look, half of my possessions, Lord, I will give to the poor; and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will pay back four times as much." 9Then Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because he too is a son of Abraham. 10For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost." (NRSV)

Introduction

When one reads through the Gospel of Luke it is easy to see that the Third Evangelist is greatly concerned with the outcasts and marginalized of his community. It becomes evident, in his writings to Theophilus, his goal is to present a Jesus who is interested in the inclusion and salvation of all. This is made clear in the narrative of Zacchaeus. As we read through Luke 19:1-10 it is hard not to be drawn to similar accounts found in the Gospel of Luke, especially within the preceding chapter. In chapter eighteen we are introduced to similar characters such as a widow, a toll collector, a child, and a blind beggar. We find the most striking similarities in the account of the rich ruler (18:18-30). In the narrative of the rich ruler we are introduced to a man who has kept the law from his youth and is seeking eternal life from Jesus. Jesus goes on to instruct the rich ruler to sell all of his possessions and give to the poor and then he will have treasure in heaven. This was too much to ask of the rich ruler and he went away sad. Jesus then explains how difficult it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom:

Jesus looking at him said, "How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Those who heard it said, "Then who can be saved?" But he said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

Though these two accounts are parallel in many ways they drastically differ in result. The goal of this paper is to demonstrate that the Third Evangelist used the account of Zacchaeus to substantiate Jesus’ statement, in 18:27, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." In this unique account of Zacchaeus in Luke we are shown a beautiful example of present salvation in the life of a rich man. Let us keep in mind the radical grace of God as we dig deeper into the narrative of Zacchaeus.

Thoughts....?

sorry I wanted the bonus entry...

2009-02-24T14:53:00.001-08:00

Bible Study Magazine and Mars Hill are giving away 20 copies of Mark Driscoll’s new book, Vintage Church. Not only that, but they are also giving away five subscriptions to Bible Study Magazine and a copy of their Bible Study Library software! Enter to win on the Bible Study Magazine Mark Driscoll page, then take a look at all the cool tools they have to take your Bible study to the next level!

A new look

2009-02-24T12:25:00.000-08:00

Tough day today. Hope is still alive though. The tomb is empty and Jesus is alive sitting at the right hand of the Father. 41 days till Easter. In this Lent season let us remember to hold everything we have with open hands. Our life is not our own.

lamentations 3:31-33
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

2009-02-19T19:02:00.001-08:00

happy valentines day.

2009-02-15T23:43:00.001-08:00

Alive -

2009-02-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

myspace.com/girlsgrowfasterthanbooks

Sir, do you have Pigeons in your pants?

2009-02-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

The 23-year-old man was stopped at Melbourne International Airport Sunday after arriving on a flight from Dubai with two live pigeons stuffed in his tights.

The service alleges that two eggs were found inside a multivitamin container carried by the passenger, who comes from Melbourne.

A further search revealed that he was wearing tights -- with a live bird stashed down each leg.

Photographs show the birds appear to have been rolled in newspaper and polythene with only their heads showing.

The images indicate that one bird was attached to each of the alleged smuggler's lower legs. -CNN

Hail, gladdening Light

2009-02-03T19:05:00.000-08:00

Phos Hilaron (Φῶς Ἱλαρόν) is the earliest known Christian hymn recorded outside of the Bible that is still being used today. Phos literally translated means anything emitting light and Hilaros literally translated is cheerful and joyous. This is a modern translation from John Keble:

Hail, gladdening Light, of His pure glory poured
Who is th’immortal Father, heavenly, blest,
Holiest of Holies–Jesus Christ our Lord!

Now we are come to the sun’s hour of rest;
The lights of evening round us shine;
We hymn the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit divine!

Worthiest art thou at all times to be sung
With undefiled tongue,
Son of our God, giver of life, alone:
Therefore in all the world thy glories, Lord, thy own. Amen.

hidden treasure in my bookshelf.

2009-02-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

My book collection is not anywhere close where I want it to be. I had to leave a lot of books behind in Tennessee when I moved out west. I had to make a lot of tough decisions so the one hundred books or so that did make it are somewhat important. Even though I haven’t read all of them I know them pretty well. Lets just say I know what I have on my shelves. Last night before going to sleep and saving the life of a mouse from an angry Latino I was looking at my books. This is something I do quite often but last night I picked up a book that I have seen plenty of times but I never really knew what it was. Once I started reading about the author and the topic I realized that I had just found a treasure hidden with in my collection.

Dorothy Sayers, Letters to a Diminished Church is a collection of essays arguing for the relevance of Christian doctrine. Sayers was a member of the famous “Inklings,” a group that met in a pub called the Eagle and Child in Oxford, England. This group’s members included C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Charles Williams. I was shocked and excited to learn that a woman was in the “Inklings”. As I started to read through the first chapter before bead I realized I was going to really enjoy her writing.

“Official Christianity, of late years, has been having what is known as a bad press. We are constantly assured that the churches are empty because preachers insist too much upon doctrine-dull dogma as people call it. The fact is the precise opposite. It is the neglect of dogma that makes for dullness. The Christian faith is the most exciting drama that ever staggered the imagination of man-and the dogma is the drama… The plot pivots upon a single character, and the whole action is the answer to a single central problem: What think ye of Christ?” – Dorothy L. Sayers

May we never be bored but constantly amazed by the supremacy of Christ and the story that we find ourselves in.

I put doors in your trees

2009-01-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

If you are searching for a natural way to combat acid reflux all you need is a gallon of Aloe Vera juice! Don’t worry it only tastes like battery acid and bear urine!

So today I am thinking about the Bible as symbolic poetry?
I am mostly thinking about it with a profound since of disappointment.

I just got done reading and writing a book review for, In the Shadow of the Galilean by Gerd Theissen. Theissen goal in writing this book is to create a fictional narrative in which the reader will gain a better understanding of the historical context of Jesus’ life and ministry. He tells the story through the eyes of a Jewish upper class merchant who finds himself in the middle of Rome and the Jewish Zealots and meets Jesus somewhere in the middle. Gerd Theissen is a well respected New Testament scholar and I guess writing a fictional story about someone in the time of Jesus isn’t necessarily a career builder. So he is very careful to differentiate between historical fact and fiction. Which he does well and I respect. What disappointed me was the way he diminished the divinity and miraculous nature of Jesus and the events surrounding Him. For instance there is a scene in the book where Andreas is watching the crucifixion of Christ from afar and his servant says this,
“If the sun could see and feel as we do, it would go dark for grief. If the earth could feel, it would quake with anger.”

And then Theissen goes on to say,
“But the sun did not go dark, and the earth remained at rest. It was a normal day and the darkness was only in me. Only in me did the foundations of life shake.”

The Gospel of Matthew puts it this way:

“From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"… At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.”

Do we loose anything if this only poetical symbolism?

Maybe we don’t loose anything or maybe we loose everything.
I’m certainly not content with this being symbolic.

Theissen said that it was just a normal day. Maybe it was but I doubt it.

Little did they know that it was anything but a normal day. It was the day that was sealed before the foundation of the world. Jesus was never plan B. He was always the way.

“Even more astonishing and confirming of the truth of this is that in the Jewish Scriptures 700 years before the crucifixion of Jesus, the death of Jesus is described like this: "He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that made us whole, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53:5-6). His death was punishment for sin. But not his own. The crucifixion of Jesus is precious to those who believe, because by that death we are ransomed from sin and guilt and condemnation and hell, and given eternal life. This is what Jesus came to accomplish: eternal life for all who believe. This is why he was crucified. It was public, painful, planned, punishment (for us!) and precious.” –John Piper

I choose to believe that these things happened the way the writers of the Gospels said they happened. I am sure to be thought a fool for taking the scripture so literal. All I can do is trust in the supremacy of Christ and His Holy Word.

2009-01-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

I am currently reading Water ship down by Richard Adams. It seriously has potential to be my new favorite book. Lets just say that I am excited to see the 1978 movie:

Land of no return

2009-01-26T01:03:00.000-08:00

It’s raining here in Los Angeles. That doesn’t happen to often around these parts. I find myself once again in the middle of a transition. Transitions are hard and as far as I am concerned they certainly aren’t fun. Though I have a pretty strong feeling that I am not alone on this one and that someone is behind it all. I started by writing about my experiences out here so far; a page or two into I decided to delete it. I am note sure why but I didn’t like what I was writing. I am beginning to establish a life here and it’s strange. I am often tempted to compare it with my old life but then I have to stop and remind myself that these new experiences are not going to be like my old ones. It doesn’t mean that they will be any better or worse but they will be different.

I no longer live with two of my best friends in a house on Gary Street in Tennessee with my two other best friends down the road. Now I live with a Latino guy from Chicago named Marcos, a black brother named Brycen, and a Guatemalan who doesn’t speak English named Boanettus! I am now affectionately referred to as the white brother.

I have been offered two student pastor positions at churches but have turned them both down for no other reason than I didn’t feel like that is where God wanted me. Those were hard decisions but the ones that had to be made.

I am starting to feel more grown up but at the same time I am beginning to feel young again.

2008 was a very strange year.
I started it by moving to Cambridge, England. In those three months I discovered out quite a bit about myself. I spent most of my time there thinking about a girl.

I came back to Tennessee only to fall for that girl and then to have my heart broken again, my fault of course. I took a class on the spirit and then I graduated college.

I moved to Portland, Oregon with my new friend from Cambridge. I started graduate school where I soon discovered I don’t care much for physcology. I got to journey with my roommate through some difficult questions. Mine were answered. He is still waiting.
I met and loved many people in Oregon but in the end I needed to leave.

I moved to Los Angeles where I am now studying Theology. My roommate moved to Ireland where he is now gardening.

Things I learned in 2008:
God is in control. Sovereign. good.
I am not as strong as I thought.
I am much stronger than I thought.
I love my Family.
I miss my friends.
I want to be a pastor more than ever.
I do not want to be a counselor.
And its ok to doubt and worry about it all.

I dreamed a lot this year. More than usual. I have strange scary dreams, dreams that make my heart hurt in a good way, dreams about my grandfather, reoccurring dreams about a girl named Sarah. I barely know her and I dream about at least once every other week.

Important Music of 2008:
Ray Lamontagne
Wild Sweet Orange
James Taylor
The weepies
The Fleet Foxes
Bon Iver
Jon Foreman
Denison Witmer
Kings of Leon

Important voices in my life in 2008:
Mom and Dad
John Piper
Rob Bell
Mark Driscoll
Kay Bruce
Gerry Breshears
Jonathan Davenport
Brandon Brown
Chris Sloan
Chris Morris
Brian haitz

I don’t know what the next year has in store. No idea. Scars me like nothing else. But I know that’s ok now. I trust in the God who is in control of everything and everybody.

Lamentations 3:25
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Grace and Peace,
Jesse P.

Secret of the easy yoke

2008-12-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

I hadn’t heard this song in a long time and then a cover of it came on my Pandora radio application. It always makes me sad. Mostly because it paints such an accurate picture of so many peoples experiences in church. I think I will be praying for Dave Bazan.

Pretending to be Rich... or am I?

2008-11-20T15:09:00.000-08:00

So after church this past Sunday I decided to hangout downtown and grab some lunch. I ended up in the mall just walking around. It’s one of those malls where only rich people actually buy anything. One of those malls that looks down on stores like the Gap… Well after I ate my Chinese food I wanted something sweet. Right about that time I walked by Godiva Chocolate and they were dipping macaroons the size of my fist into chocolate. So I obviously had to go in! I knew I couldn’t afford any of the boxes of chocolate but they sell the individual truffles so I thought yeah that’s in my price range. So I acted like I often bought chocolate from there and picked out three beautiful truffles. So the nice lady ringed me up. My total was almost eight dollars! That was more than my lunch cost. I was thinking like a three dollars or something! I honestly thought about running out of the store but I didn’t so I handed over my debit card. I am not above it though. (I walked into a restaurant the other day and their food looked terrible so I acted like I got a phone call and walked out) I then walked around Saks Fifth avenue and looked at Gucci pants while eating my Godiva truffles. I pretended I was rich for fifteen minutes. Then I walked to my car and past twelve homeless people.

For the first time in my life I am beginning to engage Theology. I mean I have been studying it for the past three years and now I am in Seminary but for the first time I am doing it on my own accord. I have been praying for the past few months that God would give me a desire for his Word and Theology. It’s happening. How about that? God answered a prayer. To bad it wasn’t the one about that money or that girl back in Tennessee. This is pretty good too.

Coming out of the School of Religion at Lee University still believing in God is quite an accomplishment. I don’t mean to make an overstatement here but I know a lot of people who started the program who really loved and followed Jesus but now they don’t believe it anymore. It makes me sad and even more than that it scares me. I am okay with my faith being challenged and shaped by my study but I refuse to let the deeper knowledge and study of my God push me away from the thing I am endeavoring to understand. I was reading one of the early church fathers on the Trinity the other day and Gregory of Nazianzus said this:

“Theology, while employing the mind, also involves the heart. A pure heart, one grounded in the worship of the church and a life of prayer, will produce clear and fruitful theological reflection. A murky heart and a dark mind, on the other hand, will produce a sick, thorny theology; it will offer no nourishment, only harm.”

That’s what I want, a pure heart that is grounded in a life of prayer and a life of worship. A high and holy task. May God give us peace and Clarity.

Grace & Peace

Currently Listening: Taylor Swift – Fearless (one of the best albums of 2008)
Ray LaMontagne – Gossip in the Grain
Viva La Hova – Jay-z and Coldplay
Currently Reading: The Mystery and Wonder of the Trinity – Christopher A. Hall

Plundering the Cause

2008-11-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

A pastor I like a lot asked a question the other day in an interview, “What do you do when your institution is known for a bunch of things that you don’t want to be known for?”

The Christian faith is one established on Love of God and others. Why then is Christianity in America viewed as?

• Unforgiving
• Hypocritical
• Homophobic
• Fear mongering
• Consumerism
• Bigotry

Because of or in spite of these stereotypes a new Christianity, or should I say an old Christianity, is emerging. A people seeking to reestablish the authority of the Church not through power or riches but by joining the God of the oppressed, joining those on the other side of power. I heard it described like a Eucharist (the act of communion) that we will be broken and poured out in love simply because Jesus said so.

The second most famous Buddhist in the world is Richard Gere, second to the Dalai Lama, said about a year ago, “I keep having this image that Jesus Christ is here and now among us and he is watching what is being done and he is appalled.”

With every action we are communicating whether or not we believe the tomb is empty.
The resurrection is a way of life.

May we proclaim this truth with every word and every deed.

Truth.

“The Kingdom of God is truth and it plunders any cause. Truth belongs to God. The Kingdom of God is anywhere the rule and reign of God is expanding on earth. Embrace the Kingdom.”

I miss my friends tonight. I wish I were at that coffee shop on Inman Street sitting with them. It isn’t possible today and that will have to be ok for right now. But until then I will dream that we are together tonight. I am proud of them.

Adventures in Odyssey

2008-10-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

So I have found the perfect way to pass the time as I work. Focus on the Family pod-casts. So now I just walk around vacuuming while crying. Though I don't agree 100% with his tactics the stories they tell on there are so heartbreaking/warming. I cry alot now.

Lovers Less Wild

2008-10-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

Well the truth is that I am rarely ever truly satisfied. Whether it’s the biscuits and gravy I ordered from PineState or the city I moved across the country for. They all seem to fall short and surprise they never solve my problems. It’s ridiculous to expect a biscuit to solve your problems, right? Well yeah it is but I have been so desperately wanting a piece of the south and though they did have sweet tea it most definitely was not southern food. Anyway the point is I am constantly let down. The next thing always turns out to be lacking and I move on to the next thing. This was a strong pattern in my life when I lived in Tennessee. I had all these ideas of what would make my life better. Sometimes I wouldn’t get what I wanted but the problem came when I did. The problem was that once I got it I saw the wizard for what he really was. It was disappointing.

For instance I went to this relatively conservative Christian University in Tennessee that had these “Greek clubs” (sudo- fraternities/sororities). Even before I was a student I knew I wanted to be in one of these clubs, there was this desperate feeling to want to be apart of something. So finally I got into one and don’t get me wrong this was seriously one of the best experiences of my life but let me tell you it didn’t satisfy me. Once I was in I moved onto wanting something else and that happened to be getting into one of the girl clubs as a big brother. That was awesome but that lost its luster about a month into it (maybe if I would have got into the one I wanted the luster might have lasted longer – probably not). Here I was with my Greek club dream life and I wasn’t satisfied and I found myself looking for my next fix. This is just a stupid example of how my life has worked so far.
So I keep asking the question to myself, “what is missing?”

Philippians 4:11 Paul writes, “I have learned to be CONTENT whatever the circumstances.”

By the way Paul really had no reason to content. He was in prison. This wasn’t a nice prison with a basketball court and a cafeteria. This was a cave with a hole for an opening that he was lowered into. I got a chance to visit this prison when I was in Rome this past semester and it was unbelievable and for Paul to say he is content and happy makes no sense. If you have read any of the letter to the Philippian church Paul’s joy is undeniable. So here is where I am having trouble. This didn’t sit well with me at all. Here I was well fed, rich, free, and unsatisfied, and Paul was in chains, hungry, lacking, and satisfied.

What’s wrong with this picture? So much.

Philippians 4:12-13 Paul continues, “I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hand full or hand empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Everyday I look right past the cross for the thing or person who is going to make everything ok. Satisfaction is not capable apart from Christ.

“No person, endeavor, thrill, formula, or achievement is capable of delivering what we all crave deep within… what if we were content with God’s perfect love and were free to give love rather than constantly maneuvering to get it?” – Jim Palmer

My life has been a series of maneuvers to receive love. I am constantly going out of the way to get instead of giving. We are all searching. The human desire to discover the mystery is at the core of our being. But little do we know that what we are searching for is already within us.

Colossians 1:26-27, “The mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations… It’s Christ in you.”

I have been learning a lot since I have been in Portland. Slowly but surely all the layers of inessentials are being stripped away. I am learning to be content with empty hands and heart full. I don’t have it all figured out yet because it’s a process or maybe a journey. God is helping me see that I no longer have to buy into the lies that I need things to be satisfied. I don’t. Let me tell you about the apartment I live in. The first thing I bought when I got here was a mattress. For a few weeks that was the only thing I had. Then we found a free couch on the side of a road, and then an old TV, then my roommate bought a table for six dollars. That’s it. That’s all we have and you know what it is so much more than we actually need. So we laugh when we are watching our old TV and we see these commercial screaming at us that we need their product or we need to call this number to find love. It’s not true. It is simply a lie.

“I am prone to depend on circumstances to supply something that only God himself within me can give. When it all falls apart, and I’m left sitting through the rubble of life’s disappointments, difficulties and disasters, God whispers, “I AM what you’re looking for.” He’s the satisfaction I’ve been searching for. He is not hard to locate; He is inside me.” –Jim Palmer

The lovers less wild will always disappoint. There is one and one alone who has what we need. Stop looking out and look inside. He is there waiting.

Psalms 42:7
Deep calls to deep
In the roar of your waterfalls;
All your waves and breakers
Have swept over me.

We have so much of it that we poop in it.

2008-10-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

Last week I was hired as a janitor at my seminary. My title is actually physical plant staff but I have no allusions of grandeur for I am a Janitor. I learned a lesson a few summers back from a pastor I worked with that no work is below me. Being a janitor is noble work and I will forever respect the millions of people who clean up after everyone else. But anyway I have been spending a lot of time around toilets the last few weeks and I have been thinking about water; more specifically clean water. Over 1 billion people do not have access to it. I have plenty. It’s all around me. In fact it’s raining, but that’s normal because I live in the Northwest. But seriously I have so much of what so many lack. It is mind blowing. Every fifteen seconds a child dies from water related diseases. That’s insane.

Maybe I will create a toilet that uses sand… pooping in sand doesn’t sound so bad.
Cats do it.

“How can we go on spending obscene amounts on budgets of death and destruction, knowing full well that a minute fraction of these would insure that children everywhere would have clean water to drink? These are our sisters and brothers out there, not statistics.”

—Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Currently listening to: The Witching Hour and the Majic Tusk by The Witching Hour

Something more

2008-10-12T23:24:00.000-07:00

Out of all the teachings of Christ one statement haunts me more than any other. Jesus said that we would do greater things than He did. Is the church doing greater things than Jesus? Maybe if we are looking at the amount of money, or how big are buildings are, or how many TV shows we have; then yeah sure maybe we are doing greater things than Jesus. But somehow I don’t think that’s exactly what he had in mind.
If we want a clear picture of what I think Jesus was talking about we need to look to Luke 7, John sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was the one the were waiting for. Jesus simply responded in verse 22, “the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.” This stuff was happening and on a regular basis! When was the last time you saw a dead person alive? Sure these kinds of things happen in different movements around the world where God moves in amazing ways but they happen far and few between. When they do happen the Church deifies the movement and flocks to the location desperate for a move of God but only end up worshiping the man/women and half the time the movement is inseparably locked in controversy. Why aren’t these things happening everyday inside and out the church walls?
A few months ago I was watching TV late at night and every so often my curiosity makes me see what’s on the Christian channels. I came across a strange sight that caught my attention. There was this fat guy with tattoos on stage doing some sort of healing service in a Benny Hinn like style, so I watched for a while. People were claiming to be healed left and right. The preacher was taking his time with each person pushing them down and picking them up over and over again. I grew up in the Pentecostal tradition so this was nothing new to me. I was a little skeptical but I was truly hoping that the people were really being healed. As I was thinking this, a boy was carried on stage that changed everything. He was visibly crippled; his legs and arms were all bent up and gnarled. My first thought was alright preacher man lets see if you’re the real thing, sure this probably wasn’t the best attitude to have but never the less. The preacher walked up to the boy touched his head and said, “Lord continue the healing that he wants” and then he walked to the other side of the stage to pray for the next person. By the time the camera got back to that side of the stage the boy was gone. I got angry.

My spirit was so grieved I wanted to weep. I wanted to weep for the unhealed boy, for the preacher, and for everybody in that civic center who forgot about the boy moments after he was on the stage. It broke my heart. I will never forget it.

Why wasn’t he healed? Why is the Church living below par of what we are capable of? These were the questions that plagued me for the weeks following the night I saw the boy on TV. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don’t trust Jesus.

I have never really had to trust Jesus. If I was sick I went to the doctor or took medicine. If I were hungry I would go to my refrigerator filled with food. I have never really needed Jesus to provide for me because I could get it myself. The majority of Christians in America have never really had to trust Jesus. My friend Chris used to visit the elderly at a retirement home. He used to visit this one lady on a regular basis and she told him a story about a time she almost cut her hand off. They had no access to medical care so her mother grabbed a cloth and a bible. Her mother prayed and read a verse out of revelation and her hand was absolutely healed. She said this was a regular occurrence in their house. They were forced to trust Jesus and He came through for them every time. I don’t even come close to knowing what it is like to have to completely trust God for provision. If I’m hurt, hungry, or need money… I have hundreds of options. The questions is:

Is our comfort, our security, and our safety standing in the way of what Jesus has called us to do?

To do the great things that we are capable of requires great risk and trust. Think of Peter when he asked Jesus to help him walk on the water. Before anybody or I can trust Jesus we have to ask some fundamental questions.

Do we believe that God is good?

In C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles the children hear about a lion named Aslan and they asked a crucial question, is he safe? They are answered with a, “no he isn’t safe but he is good”. The good news of the gospel isn’t safe but it’s good. It is called the narrow road for a reason… the Christian life is not a life of ease. Oh but it is so easy to get sucked into the world’s idea of good. It’s so attractive that it has been entwined with the western version of the gospel.

We have to believe that His better is better.

What is it that is stopping us from trusting Jesus? What are we holding onto that is stopping us from stepping into the power that Jesus promised his disciples on his last few days on earth?

We are not alone. He is among us and He is alive.

John 14:27
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

He Doesn't Know Why

2008-10-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well I just ate a chimichanga the size of my head from La Bonita and as usual I ate so much I felt like I could throw up. After lunch I was walking down to Town Hend’s teahouse and I literally thought I was going to throw up. I was gagging and fighting loosing everything because of this cute couple that was right behind me. I would not of minded throwing up on my own; I just don’t think I could have handled their reaction. All is well now. I tried a new green tea today but it sort of tastes like clams or sometime type of soup. So needless to say I am quite disappointed with my selection.

One of my good friends is asking his girlfriend to be his wife tonight. He called yesterday and told me his plans. I am so happy for them. I was so surprised but totally pleased. With the pleasure of hearing of my friend’s engagements comes the obvious ‘single’ melancholy. I usually welcome this feeling and take the next few days to reflect on my life and what I am doing and what is personally deficient. It hit me though when he told the news that out of my hometown friends I am one of the only single ones left. Out of the other two single friends from my hometown one still lives in his parents garage and the other I am not sure wants to marry a women (though I hope so). I think I am doing pretty well for myself. Who knows?

I am sort of happy with my decisions thus far. But I am not content and not even close. I live a good life but there is more and I currently want it. I don’t even know what it is. But I am constantly aware of things that I wanted but couldn’t have. They all ended up in the arms of someone else. I guess I just don’t get it… What is the plan here? Maybe I will turn the corner and everything will come together and make sense but currently I feel like I am just here, alone.

So sitting alone on this green couch in a teashop on Alberta St. I feel very much. I don’t know what I feel but I am filling it stronger than I ever have before. But I will trust that it is all ok. Even if it doesn’t feel ok. I choose to believe that it is. So I shall enjoy this pleasant fall evening and not let the worries of the world find there way to my thoughts. I do not need them.

Adage by Billy Collins

When it’s late at night and branches
are banging against the windows,
you might think that love is just a matter

of leaping out of the frying pan of yourself
into the fire of someone else,
but it’s a little more complicated than that.

It’s more like trading the two birds
who might be hiding in that bush
for the one you are not holding in your hand.

A wise man once said that love
was like forcing a horse to drink
but then everyone stopping thinking of him as wise.

Let us be clear about something.
Love is not as simple as getting up
on the wrong side of the bed wearing the emperor’s clothes.

No, it’s more like the way the pen
feels after it has defeated the sword.
It’s a little like the penny saved or the nine dropped
stitches.

You look at me through the halo of the last candle
and tell me love is an ill wind
that has no turning, a road that blows no good,

but I am here to remind you,
as our shadows tremble on the walls,
that love is the early bird who is better late than never.

Currently listening to: Fleet Foxes

I Dream'd in a Dream

2008-10-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have been dreaming a lot lately. Some are very real. Sometimes I wake up wishing they were real and other times I wake relived that it was only a dream. But usually I can’t seem to shake them. When I have a dream its like it follows me all day, sometimes for days. It’s frustrating and I don’t know what to do about them. Obviously there is nothing really I can do about them. The worst are the ones where I wake up and realize it wasn’t real and I wanted it to be real so bad. Then its like I have to mourn the loss of something I never had. The only way I can explain it is like I have a hole or an empty space and then the dream fills it and I wake to the realization that the hole is still empty. This all sounds pretty sad, right? Well I think it is sad.

I dream'd in a dream I saw a city invincible to the attacks of the
whole of the rest of the earth,
I dream'd that was the new city of Friends,
Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust love, it led the rest,
It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of that city,
And in all their looks and words.

-Walt Whitman

Currently Listening to: Mercury Rev – Snowflake Midnight
Currently Reading: Democracy Matters: winning the fight against imperialism by Cornel West
Currently Contemplating: Last nights dream

Victory Rose

2008-10-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

Without being ridiculous it was probably one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. I never stopped smiling and it literally brought me to tears. Fantastic.

The Lesser of Two Evils keeping Hope Alive?

2008-10-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

It seems that as Christ followers, at best, this is the phrase that has been adopted to justify political allegiance. I no longer believe that this is a productive way to approach our current political system as believers or simpler yet as Americans. We are forced to think in dualities. I am finding that this doesn’t work. It doesn’t make sense. We have bought into the promises of our politicians, whether they are republican or democrat. I have come to the simple revelation that neither party will be my savior. Neither party will bring change.

Why do we Christians get angry when the government, media, and consumer America doesn’t hold up the message of Christ? They will never make much of Jesus’ message. It is not their responsibility. Why do we wait for politicians to reduce abortion rates, keep Christ in Christmas, create peace, or keep the Ten Commandments relative? It is time for the Church to step up and do what it was created to do.

So your church hates abortion, huh? Well how many unwanted babies has your congregation adopted? Want to keep Christ in Christmas do you? It sure looks like you have substituted consumption for compassion in your celebration of the birth of Christ. Want world peace? Well create it.

Simply put I do not look to Washington D.C. or the Stars and Stripes for my HOPE but to the Slaughtered Lamb, the Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 53:7-11
7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

Maybe she is interested in an affair or a long bike ride?

2008-10-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting at my favorite Portland Coffee shop, the Albina Press, and am drinking a cup of earl grey tea. Over my month in Portland I have come to the realization that the girls in the North West are not quite as pretty as southern girls. This is obviously a disappointment being that I now live in the North West. But I must say that there is a girl in Albina who is challenging my assumption. But hey who knows she could be from the south… but I say all this to get to my point. I have been staring at her for the past hour formulating a plan to talk to her. So I am watching her as she lifts her very pretty hand to brush her very pretty hair out of her very pretty face and that is when I saw it, a ring with a diamond the size of an m&m mini. Also that is when it hit me. I have to worry about girls being married not just whether they have a boy friend but now a husband. How old am I? I just have these moments every so often when I realize that I am a sudo grown up… and it weirds me out. I am 23 and I understand that I am still really young but I don’t know. I feel like I should be more accomplished or something. I am a college graduate and pursuing my graduate degree but I just don’t feel like that is enough. It’s like I am hungry for the chains of life. (job, wife, cat, and bills) I am relatively free to do what ever I want and I seemingly can’t enjoy my freedom. The grass is always greener, right? Well I refuse to be unhappy. I am healthy, somewhat affluent (thanks to my parents) and nothing is standing in my way to live a full life now. Why must I constantly be looking to the things and dreams to come? Not that those dreams and hopes are bad but if I am so captivated by those I will miss the now and one day I am going to regret it.

Speaking of freedom I went on a 25-mile bike ride yesterday. I have started my training for the cycle ride of my life. Two of my best friends and I are taking this next year to plan a cycling trip of epic proportions. Our first plan was to ride across the U.S.A from Astoria to Rhode Island and then we realized if we rode 90-miles a day it would take us two months. So seeing that we don’t have two months free in our lives we are searching for a route that will provide fulfillment of our dream in about a month’s time. So like I said I rode 25-miles yesterday and it was pretty tough. So I have a bit of a way to go to say the least. I also have to challenge my diet. I am in love! Not with the girl in the Albina or we another human but a pastry. A pastry known as the chocolate muffin!!! The choco muffin only masquerades as a muffin when in fact it is CAKE! I have eaten six in the last week alone… this will not due. I am afraid I am going to have to cut it out of my diet cold turkey. Now I shall just enjoy asparagus instead.

Now the pretty married girl has put on glasses and has successfully made me more upset. Maybe she is rich and that is just a really fancy purity ring…

Currently Listening: Kings of Leon – Only By The Night
Currently Contemplating: Bishop Desmond Tutu’s and Truth and Reconciliation Commission (South Africa)

Cat history, from 'gods' to 'devils' to pets.

2008-09-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

Well there is something I know about myself that perhaps you don’t know. If something crazy is going to happen and I am around it’s probably going to happen to me. These occurrences are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Like for instance yesterday in my schools library I went online to check my facebook but low and behold I typed in facevook which it turns out is a very intense porn sight (if you say it with a Swedish accent I guess it makes since). The girl sitting next to me gave me a dirty look as I tried to explain I was just trying to get to my facebook. She did not believe me. So there I am in my seminaries library looking at hardcore porn. So it goes.

So yesterday after visiting Portland’s Japanese Gardens my roommate Jonathan stopped into the William Sonoma Home store to feel bad about our own personal furniture. Lets just say usually I am concerned that people think we are a gay couple but this day I wasn’t worried because we were dressed terrible and just looked like dirty/poor straight men and as it turns out I guess we are. I ran down the street to use the restroom so Jonathan went in by himself only to be followed around the store by the clerk because she was afraid he was going to steal something. My first thought when I heard what happened was to defend my wealth status. I wanted her to know that I was not poor and who did she think she was to just assume that I was of the lower class. Then it hit me. I am poor! Sort of.

I don’t have a job and I certainly don’t have any money. But to be honest I have my parent’s bankcard in my wallet and for the time that pays for everything I need. Don’t get me wrong my parents aren’t rich but because of them I am an upper middle class American citizen. Portland like every major and minor city in the US has a lot of homeless people. I don’t know how to respond anymore. Every time I go out I am asked multiple times for money and I have to remind myself that I can’t afford to help as I walk to starbucks to buy my $4 pumpkin spice latte. There’s just something not all right about the whole thing. A question a good friend of mine asked, “What have we become”. Don’t get me wrong I get sick of this conversation just as much as the next guy but it’s the tension I live in and I don’t have the option of closing my eyes.

THE PROBLEM: Its here and I am here and the KINGDOM is at hand and I don’t know what to do. Or do I? Do you?

And Jesus told us to call them. In Luke 14 he said,

Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the city and bring in here the poor and crippled and blind and lame . . . When you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.