Lovers Less Wild

Well the truth is that I am rarely ever truly satisfied. Whether it’s the biscuits and gravy I ordered from PineState or the city I moved across the country for. They all seem to fall short and surprise they never solve my problems. It’s ridiculous to expect a biscuit to solve your problems, right? Well yeah it is but I have been so desperately wanting a piece of the south and though they did have sweet tea it most definitely was not southern food. Anyway the point is I am constantly let down. The next thing always turns out to be lacking and I move on to the next thing. This was a strong pattern in my life when I lived in Tennessee. I had all these ideas of what would make my life better. Sometimes I wouldn’t get what I wanted but the problem came when I did. The problem was that once I got it I saw the wizard for what he really was. It was disappointing.

For instance I went to this relatively conservative Christian University in Tennessee that had these “Greek clubs” (sudo- fraternities/sororities). Even before I was a student I knew I wanted to be in one of these clubs, there was this desperate feeling to want to be apart of something. So finally I got into one and don’t get me wrong this was seriously one of the best experiences of my life but let me tell you it didn’t satisfy me. Once I was in I moved onto wanting something else and that happened to be getting into one of the girl clubs as a big brother. That was awesome but that lost its luster about a month into it (maybe if I would have got into the one I wanted the luster might have lasted longer – probably not). Here I was with my Greek club dream life and I wasn’t satisfied and I found myself looking for my next fix. This is just a stupid example of how my life has worked so far.
So I keep asking the question to myself, “what is missing?”

Philippians 4:11 Paul writes, “I have learned to be CONTENT whatever the circumstances.”

By the way Paul really had no reason to content. He was in prison. This wasn’t a nice prison with a basketball court and a cafeteria. This was a cave with a hole for an opening that he was lowered into. I got a chance to visit this prison when I was in Rome this past semester and it was unbelievable and for Paul to say he is content and happy makes no sense. If you have read any of the letter to the Philippian church Paul’s joy is undeniable. So here is where I am having trouble. This didn’t sit well with me at all. Here I was well fed, rich, free, and unsatisfied, and Paul was in chains, hungry, lacking, and satisfied.

What’s wrong with this picture? So much.

Philippians 4:12-13 Paul continues, “I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hand full or hand empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Everyday I look right past the cross for the thing or person who is going to make everything ok. Satisfaction is not capable apart from Christ.

“No person, endeavor, thrill, formula, or achievement is capable of delivering what we all crave deep within… what if we were content with God’s perfect love and were free to give love rather than constantly maneuvering to get it?” – Jim Palmer

My life has been a series of maneuvers to receive love. I am constantly going out of the way to get instead of giving. We are all searching. The human desire to discover the mystery is at the core of our being. But little do we know that what we are searching for is already within us.

Colossians 1:26-27, “The mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations… It’s Christ in you.”

I have been learning a lot since I have been in Portland. Slowly but surely all the layers of inessentials are being stripped away. I am learning to be content with empty hands and heart full. I don’t have it all figured out yet because it’s a process or maybe a journey. God is helping me see that I no longer have to buy into the lies that I need things to be satisfied. I don’t. Let me tell you about the apartment I live in. The first thing I bought when I got here was a mattress. For a few weeks that was the only thing I had. Then we found a free couch on the side of a road, and then an old TV, then my roommate bought a table for six dollars. That’s it. That’s all we have and you know what it is so much more than we actually need. So we laugh when we are watching our old TV and we see these commercial screaming at us that we need their product or we need to call this number to find love. It’s not true. It is simply a lie.

“I am prone to depend on circumstances to supply something that only God himself within me can give. When it all falls apart, and I’m left sitting through the rubble of life’s disappointments, difficulties and disasters, God whispers, “I AM what you’re looking for.” He’s the satisfaction I’ve been searching for. He is not hard to locate; He is inside me.” –Jim Palmer

The lovers less wild will always disappoint. There is one and one alone who has what we need. Stop looking out and look inside. He is there waiting.

Psalms 42:7
Deep calls to deep
In the roar of your waterfalls;
All your waves and breakers
Have swept over me.